Adultescent Living

FOMS (Fear Of Missing Something) or FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) has plagued my life lately. I have a big fear of missing out on the good times or not being able to partake in the next inside joke because I was not there when some epic event occurred between my friends. I hate myself for that, but I genuinely do get plagued by this syndrome.

Now this syndrome has not only cost me a lot of time in which I could probably be doing something more productive, but also a good deal of money.  Don’t get me wrong though, I definitley enjoy time spent with friends and wouldn’t trade many of those moments for anything in the world.  But there is a point in which having too many obligations really weighs heavily on your life.  It seems like there is constantly something to do every weekend and even the majority of the weekdays.

Lately, I have really been trying to cut back on functions that I attend.  It doesn’t help that my girlfriend has so many friends where we live, many of whom have children, few of them whom she is godmother to, and the fact that I have a lot of extended family with children as well.  Many of these functions are unavoidable as I do understand the value of family and find it necessary to spend as much time with them as possible. 

On the other side of things are our friends.  There are so many birthdays, happy hours, random nights out, catching up dinners, so-and-so is back in town so let’s go party, etc.  The problems with these events are:

1. There are sooooo many of them.
2. I LOVE ALL OF THESE EVENTS.
3. They often lead to getting drunk and spending more money than expected.

With so many friends, family, and acquaintences, I have been trying to think of ways to avoid the FOMS and still maintain well-developed relationships with most people.  I say most because, let’s face it, there is no reason to feel obligated to celebrate someone’s birthday you haven’t spoken to in 10 years. 

So here are a few of the things I have come up with to get over the FOMS:

• Just say NO – it’s such a simple word, but often we feel compelled to do things for others.  It is in my nature and my girlfriend’s nature as well.  If we can just say no to a quarter of these events, we will probably save many hours and many dollars.
• Eliminate last minute requests – your co-workers going out for a “quick” drink after work?  “No thank you, I have some stuff I needed to do around the house tonight”.  The fact of the matter is that a “quick” drink turns into 3, which turns into 3 hours, which turns into being too tired to do anything when you get home.  Which brings me to my next point…
• Plan Ahead – we have been trying to get into the habit of using Google Calendar to add all the events and appointments that are coming up.  Granted, we seem to be attending all of them, but at least it gives us a snapshot of what’s coming up and we can think about how necessary we feel that it is to go. 
• Cut down on acquaintences – this is probably one of the hardest things to do.  I am a fan of getting to know new people and you really never know who you will come across that could potentially change your life.  But just like Spring Cleaning, there should come a time when you need to dump stuff you don’t need.  Don’t feel obligated to go to someone’s celebration who is a friend of a friend of a friend that you shook hands with once at an overcrowded bar and didn’t even catch their name.  Take a minimilistic approach to your acquaintances and you will free up time and money.  Speaking of money…
• Start a FOMS subaccount – or something along those lines.  This is similar to having a “spontaneous” spending account.  It can be used sparingly for things that come up unexpectedly that you feel like you have to go to.  For example, if you love a particular artist and they just happen to be in town this week, you can dip into your account and buy the ticket without feeling guilty for spending.  Now I know this isn’t getting over feeling like you are missing out, but at least you know you have it consciously funded.
• Go with an active mind -  I know that sounds all Zen and whatnot, but I swear it’s simple.  If you feel like you are required to go somewhere, have an underlying purpose.  Just because you are out, doesn’t mean it has to be completely unproductive.  Pick the brains of others, be conscious of your surroundings, be aware of what you are doing and how you can improve, and make note of all these things to apply on your down time.  If you have an active mind, you can always think of ways to apply anything toward self-improvement.
• Just catch up on Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, etc. - people post so many pictures of themselves on these sites that it can feel like you were there anyway.  OK, so maybe this can lead to more jealousy, but seriously, you can probably piece together an entire night out from posted pictures and tweets. 

As I have been writing this, I just took a peek at my calendar and see 10 events within the next week and a half.  Hopefully I can take my own advice and see how it works out. 

So my one question for everyone is:  How does the fear of missing out affect your own lives?