Adultescent Living

So here is another video from Ted Talks that I ran across today entitled How to Start a Movement.  Let’s just say this isn’t exactly what I expected to see, but it sparked some interesting thoughts.  We are often taught to be leaders and not followers, but who are leaders if not for anyone following their crazy path.  This short speech puts an interesting twist on it by saying:

“The first follower is what transforms a lone NUT into a leader“. 

This was both funny and thought provoking.  There are many times when we see some crazy person doing something that, deep down, we think looks like a hell of a lot of fun.  More often than not, we do not participate.  UNTIL, someone else is just slightly crazy enough to join in.  Before you know it, it’s suddenly NOT cool to be ordinary and to not participate.  Many times we see people who stand out as being a little “out there”, but when that first follower joins in, and the third, and fourth, etc., it becomes less and less weird, and eventually becomes more of a movement.

FOMS (Fear Of Missing Something) or FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) has plagued my life lately. I have a big fear of missing out on the good times or not being able to partake in the next inside joke because I was not there when some epic event occurred between my friends. I hate myself for that, but I genuinely do get plagued by this syndrome.

Now this syndrome has not only cost me a lot of time in which I could probably be doing something more productive, but also a good deal of money.  Don’t get me wrong though, I definitley enjoy time spent with friends and wouldn’t trade many of those moments for anything in the world.  But there is a point in which having too many obligations really weighs heavily on your life.  It seems like there is constantly something to do every weekend and even the majority of the weekdays.

Lately, I have really been trying to cut back on functions that I attend.  It doesn’t help that my girlfriend has so many friends where we live, many of whom have children, few of them whom she is godmother to, and the fact that I have a lot of extended family with children as well.  Many of these functions are unavoidable as I do understand the value of family and find it necessary to spend as much time with them as possible. 

On the other side of things are our friends.  There are so many birthdays, happy hours, random nights out, catching up dinners, so-and-so is back in town so let’s go party, etc.  The problems with these events are:

1. There are sooooo many of them.
2. I LOVE ALL OF THESE EVENTS.
3. They often lead to getting drunk and spending more money than expected.

With so many friends, family, and acquaintences, I have been trying to think of ways to avoid the FOMS and still maintain well-developed relationships with most people.  I say most because, let’s face it, there is no reason to feel obligated to celebrate someone’s birthday you haven’t spoken to in 10 years. 

So here are a few of the things I have come up with to get over the FOMS:

• Just say NO – it’s such a simple word, but often we feel compelled to do things for others.  It is in my nature and my girlfriend’s nature as well.  If we can just say no to a quarter of these events, we will probably save many hours and many dollars.
• Eliminate last minute requests – your co-workers going out for a “quick” drink after work?  “No thank you, I have some stuff I needed to do around the house tonight”.  The fact of the matter is that a “quick” drink turns into 3, which turns into 3 hours, which turns into being too tired to do anything when you get home.  Which brings me to my next point…
• Plan Ahead – we have been trying to get into the habit of using Google Calendar to add all the events and appointments that are coming up.  Granted, we seem to be attending all of them, but at least it gives us a snapshot of what’s coming up and we can think about how necessary we feel that it is to go. 
• Cut down on acquaintences – this is probably one of the hardest things to do.  I am a fan of getting to know new people and you really never know who you will come across that could potentially change your life.  But just like Spring Cleaning, there should come a time when you need to dump stuff you don’t need.  Don’t feel obligated to go to someone’s celebration who is a friend of a friend of a friend that you shook hands with once at an overcrowded bar and didn’t even catch their name.  Take a minimilistic approach to your acquaintances and you will free up time and money.  Speaking of money…
• Start a FOMS subaccount – or something along those lines.  This is similar to having a “spontaneous” spending account.  It can be used sparingly for things that come up unexpectedly that you feel like you have to go to.  For example, if you love a particular artist and they just happen to be in town this week, you can dip into your account and buy the ticket without feeling guilty for spending.  Now I know this isn’t getting over feeling like you are missing out, but at least you know you have it consciously funded.
• Go with an active mind -  I know that sounds all Zen and whatnot, but I swear it’s simple.  If you feel like you are required to go somewhere, have an underlying purpose.  Just because you are out, doesn’t mean it has to be completely unproductive.  Pick the brains of others, be conscious of your surroundings, be aware of what you are doing and how you can improve, and make note of all these things to apply on your down time.  If you have an active mind, you can always think of ways to apply anything toward self-improvement.
• Just catch up on Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, etc. - people post so many pictures of themselves on these sites that it can feel like you were there anyway.  OK, so maybe this can lead to more jealousy, but seriously, you can probably piece together an entire night out from posted pictures and tweets. 

As I have been writing this, I just took a peek at my calendar and see 10 events within the next week and a half.  Hopefully I can take my own advice and see how it works out. 

So my one question for everyone is:  How does the fear of missing out affect your own lives?

Photo by psd
By “strangers” I mean bloggers that I have been following and even those who I have not been following. I’m a real late bloomer when it comes to this world of blogs, but I have found and applied so much of your information to my everyday life, that I feel like I owe you guys and gals a HUGE thank you.

Thanks to all of you “strangers”, I have been able to control my finances, cook better food, bought items that I probably didn’t need but someone I didn’t know told me it would change my life, downloaded applications that I can’t even find on my hard drive anymore, learned how to keep flies out of my house, inspired new goals to add to my ever-growing list, and countless other things. And the list could go on and on and on because I am constantlly learning and always inspired by everything you write. I can’t count how many times in the past year or so that I have started a conversation with the words “I read this thing online…”. That “thing” came from YOU!!

 So BIG-UPS to all you bloggers puttin’ in work and keepin’ it moving!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, a million times THANK YOU.

Photo by Michel Filion

So for anyone that read my post last week, Earlier Rising…Adventures in Waking Up On Time, I challenged myself with a realistic goal of waking up at 6:33 am.  After about a week and a half of trying to do this, I can say I made pretty good progress. 

Here is a breakdown of the times I woke up:

• Monday: 6:42 am
• Tuesday: 6:43 am
• Wednesday: 6:37 am
• Thursday: 7:12 am
• Friday: 6:40 am

So as you can see, I at least made some sort of progress.  Thursday was a bit rough as I had a late night basketball game and was just dog tired in the morning.  For the most part though I was able to will myself out of bed about 20 – 30 minutes earlier than normal.  Maybe by just having the accountability of this blog it really did help out a little bit.

What I Was Able To Accomplish:

• On three of the days, I woke up, threw a sweatshirt on and cleaned up the kitchen.
• On two of the days, I was able to take our dog for a quick walk before leaving for work.
• Made coffee and packed it to go every morning.
• Boiled some eggs to bring for breakfast.
• Read and left some comments on other people’s blogs.
• Threw on my contact lenses a few days (I normally wear glasses just to save the 20 seconds).
• Packed lunch for my girlfriend from last nights leftovers.

As you can see, I was able to do a good number of chores just by waking up 20 minutes early.  It also woke me up a bit more and I felt like I had a bit more energy to start off my day. 

Lessons Learned:

• Not All 5 Minutes Are Created Equal – I took 5 minutes to figure out how to program my coffee maker last Sunday night.  Set everything up so that it starts brewing about 20 minutes before I leave for work.  It was one less thing I had to do in the morning and was just cool to see it turn on by itself (it’s the little things sometimes).  It just seemed as if taking 5 minutes to set something up the night before saved a lot more than 5 minutes in the morning.  I know they are equal in amount, but saving 5 minutes in the morning made a world of difference.
• If I set my alarm a little bit earlier, I can probably wake up closer to 6:30 or even earlier -  I think I have a mental block that just forces me to snooze at least once.  If I set my alarm for 6:20, I can probably get up even earlier. 
• I don’t need to go to bed earlier – I actually went to bed later than normal on a few of the nights and was still able to wake up at a reasonable time. 
• It’s all about getting yourself moving -  Instead of using the bathroom upstairs when I woke up, I went to the downstairs one to force myself to get moving a bit.  I think if I stayed upstairs, the chances of me crawling back into bed might increase.  By getting myself down the stairs, it made it much less appealing to climb back up them for 10 minutes of rest. 

Overall, I was proud of adding 20 – 30 minutes to my morning.  I was up and ready to go with plenty of time.  Most important, I was able to TAKE my time doing mundane morning routines.  I never felt rushed and was actually looking for things to do.  I think if I can add some additional time, I can probably get a lot more done.  So I would say this experiment will definitley carry over for as long as I can maintain it.

Hope you all have great mornings!!

I am probably really late to the party on this one, but I just watched a TED talk presented by a child prodigy names Adora Svitak.  The lecture is called”What Adults Can Learn From Kids”.  She is extremely well spoken and challenges “adults” to listen to children.  We often wish we could go back in time and be kids again, and that has a large part to do with the ability to imagine without restriction.  Often, we fail to continue dreaming because our experiences from reality get in the way.  Kids are not hindered by this and this is why we need to sometimes revert to childhood in order to re-inspire ourselves.

Photo by ToOb

OK, so my job really isn’t that bad and no I’m not talking about marriage. I have read a lot of material about escaping the daily grind, working for yourself, starting a small business, etc. I love reading this stuff because it is motivational and gives me a goal to work toward. In my current situation though, I am actually quite ok with riding out the 9 to 5 (or 8 to 5 for me) for a little while. 

Yes, probably the main reason is security. I know this is not a good excuse to give to the likes of Gary Vaynerchuk and Tim Ferriss because I am certainly NOT living my passion or working a 4 hour week. Hell, I work 4 hour work morning just to get to lunch. But frankly, I’m comfortable where I am at and I like receiving a steady paycheck. I see it as a means to an end.

The other obvious reason are the benefits. Sure, I can’t take mini-retirements and travel the world on 3 weeks of vacation. But I believe I can incorporate other sources of income to fund some unpaid vacation and maybe take a few extra weeks off. By using what I have learned to be more productive at work as well as setting aside pre-designated income I think I have set up a system to allow myself to unlock my ankle from my desk chain and convince my boss to let me take some extra time off. That’s the goal at least. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

Of course there is health benefits, which are awesome, as well as other key items. But the one that will probably keep me here for a little while longer are the educational benefits. I get paid to learn?? Yes please, thank you. An I totally anticipate using what I learn to help me escape the 8-5. Like I said, it’s all a means to an end.

In any case, I’m not ready to take the plunge just yet. For now, I’ll continue to creep down the mountain and hopefully take the leap from a lower height. How’s that for ambiguous faith??

I know I’m not the only one, so what keeps YOU chained to work other than the obvious??

My Current Favorite Key to Unlocking the Chain:

• Escapingthe9to5.com by Maren Kate – kind of says it all in the name, doesn’t it?  I really find a lot of motivation and a lot of inspiration in her posts.  Awesome content and shoots from the hip!!

Photo by David Jackmanson

I plan to conduct ongoing experiments as this blog continues.  I feel that it is a necessary thing to do in order to keep myself motivated as well as accountable.  So I figure I would start off easy with something that I have seen on many other blogs.

Waking up early (or ontime) has never been easy for me.  I tend to go to bed around midnight and set my alarm for 6:41 am (yes, random time I know) so that I can be at work by 8 am.  Without fail, I hit the snooze button every 9 minutes until it is about 7:08 and don’t get out of bed for another 5 minutes.  Then I find myself scrambling, figuring out ways to make up for time that I don’t have, make some coffee, and race out of the garage.  Sometimes I get to work on time, and sometimes I’m a little late.

I have read many tips on how to wake up early and how beneficial it is to your life.  I have printed out Leo Babauta’s tips from Zen Habits, read them, re-read them, and still can’t manage to get my ass out of bed.  But he gets up at 5 am!!!  That’s just WAAAY too early for me.  So I decided to set myself a more realistic goal.

6:30 am will be the magic number.  OK, maybe 6:33 am, just to remain consistently random.

Here are the benefits I see from waking up at this time:

1. I can make and pack breakfast and coffee to bring to work.  Hopefully I will already have a lunch packed.
   -  I don’t like eating breakfast before work mostly cause I don’t know how it will affect my stomach on my commute.  (TMI??)
2. Can quickly walk the dog, which will actually help me to wake up to some fresh air.
3. Can do some excercises.
4. In general, I can take my time and not feel so rushed.

I think #4 is my main goal.  The times that I have woke up early for whatever reason have always seemed to just be more relaxing.  Even though this is only 30 – 40 minutes earlier than normal, time seems to go by slower for some reason.  When there is an extra 10 minutes, I feel like I can do so much more.

I won’t reiterate what I am sure many people have already read, from others who have become the authority on this subject.  Let’s just say that I will pick and choose from the tips in the posts I have linked to below.

I will post how I am doing throughout the week and see if I really do benefit from actually waking up on time.  And thanks to what seems like a never ending cycle of having to do stuff with friends on the weekend (I wish sometimes that everyone was born on the same day so there weren’t so many birthdays to celebrate), this time does not apply to Saturday and Sunday sleeping in/recovery mornings.

***UPDATE:  Thanks to a certain Apple product which shall remain nameless, I was unable to sleep in this morning due having to hear a bunch of crazy people screaming and clapping every time a person walked out of the store with said product.  Thank you Steve Jobs for helping me get 4 hours of sleep on a Saturday.***

Sweet Dreams!

My virtual advisors:

1. 10 Benefits of Rising Early, and How to Do It by Leo Babauta – I can’t really say anything that hasn’t already been said about this guy.  Great guide and motivation for getting up in the morning.
2. How to Become An Early Riser by Steve Pavlina – Also good insight into sleeping patterns and how to not fall trap into thinking that going to bed earlier will help you get up earlier.
3. 10 Geeky Tricks for Getting Out of Bed In the Morning – Pretty general tips, but I like #6.  Have a good reason for being up early.  They relate it to finishing some video game, which makes sense cause it’s geeky, but I can relate this to times I am going on vacation and have to leave for an early flight.  It’s always easier to get up when you’re excited for something.